Now here’s a cute button that any administrator would love to see nurses wearing. Nothing like letting patients think that there’s bird flu fluttering around the facility. In fact, you can design an entire wardrobe around “H5N1″ wear.

I think nurses should start wearing these buttons, particularly in hospitals where the administration attempts to portray them as morons. Wouldn’t it be sweet to watch the CEO get his knickers into a royal twist (or panties in a bunch if the CEO claims to be female)?

Check out H5N1 Wear for some uniform ideas.

We’ve all heard about the great nursing shortage of 2005, and how hospitals are doing everything possible to hire new recruits and even try to retain employees. In hospital lingo, however, this means treating the nursing population like a bunch of retarded toddlers, and lowering morale levels into the gutter.

This is a post from a nurse whose facility is desperately trying to combat nosocomial infections, and who has decided to launch a campaign to get employees to wash their hands more frequently.

Part of which includes having patient care staff wear giant buttons that say, “Ask me if I washed my hands!” Patients are encouraged to ask this of their nurse/CNA/ every time s/he walks into their room. Every time.

I find this incredibly insulting both to my intelligence and to my professional practice as an RN. I cannot imagine what patients must be thinking: does it imply that we don’t know enough to wash our hands? What else do they need to be checking up on, if we can’t be trusted to have washed our hands after patient contact?

If I was still working in a hospital, and some perky PR nitwit handed me that badge, I would ask them if they planned on wearing a button that said, “Ask Me If I Have Brain Cells.” The nurse who wrote this told one of the administrators that she’ll wear it when she sees all of the doctors wearing them.

Even though numerous studies on handwashing, which have observed healthcare workers on the job, found that doctors were the least likely to wash their hands (and nurses the most likely), they seem to be exempt from this demeaning type of action. Also exempt appears to be respiratory therapists, speech therapists, occupational therapists, and physical therapists. In short, the only ones deemed dumb enough not to remember to wash their hands are nurses and nursing assistants.

Now if that isn’t a morale builder, I don’t know what is. I’m sure that once word spread that nurses have to wear these cute buttons, for patients to remind them to wash their hands, nurses will be lining up in droves to seek employment there. Their vacancy rate will drop to negative numbers, as nurses from around the world fight to be employed as a facility that thinks so highly of them.

Ask, and I’ll Tell

I can think of a lot more applicable buttons for hospital staff to wear. Here’s one for the CEO: Ask Me About My $3 Million Bonus and the Simultaneous Across the Board 20% Pay Cut I Initiated for All Employees.

And for nurse managers: Ask Me How Many Asses I Kissed Today

And for administrators: Ask Me How Many Patients Died Today Because of the Corners I Cut in Staffing and Supplies.

And for human resources: Ask Me How Many Nurses Quit Today Because Working Conditions Suck.

And I have a question for the moron whose idea it was to have nurses wear these cute little buttons–would you like it if you brought your car in to be repaired, and the mechanic was wearing a button that said, “Ask me if I put the right parts in your car.” That would sure make you feel good about your choice of repair shops, wouldn’t it.

Or how about when seeking counsel from an attorney, and the lawyer is wearing a button that says, “Ask me if I know how to read.” Or if your tax accountant wears a button that says, “Ask me if I know how to add and substract.”

Check out the thread on allnurses.com

This is the man who is the president of the United States of America. It is important to understand this when reading the following. The man who is supposed to contain enough marbles upstairs to make rational decisions. Remember, this man is only a click away from launching a nuclear bomb…

According to an upcoming documentary by the BBC, Bush has confessed that God speaks to him personally. And God instructed him to kill and kill and kill…

President George W. Bush told Palestinian ministers that God had told him to invade Afghanistan and Iraq – and create a Palestinian State, a new BBC series reveals.

In Elusive Peace: Israel and the Arabs, a major three-part series on BBC TWO (at 9.00pm on Monday 10, Monday 17 and Monday 24 October), Abu Mazen, Palestinian Prime Minister, and Nabil Shaath, his Foreign Minister, describe their first meeting with President Bush in June 2003.

Nabil Shaath says: “President Bush said to all of us: ‘I’m driven with a mission from God. God would tell me, “George, go and fight those terrorists in Afghanistan.” And I did, and then God would tell me, “George, go and end the tyranny in Iraq …” And I did. And now, again, I feel God’s words coming to me, “Go get the Palestinians their state and get the Israelis their security, and get peace in the Middle East.” And by God I’m gonna do it.’”

First, if I were the Palestinians, I would take a look at the outcome of Bush’s first two Godly missions, and then begin praying that this man stayed on the far side of the planet. The missions in Afghanistan and Iraq are both ongoing disasters, with no end in sight. Not a very good track record, and surely nothing to brag about. Seems God didn’t give the man any direction on how to carry out his mission. Was he just playing a joke on George, do you think?

Second, it seems like it’s okay for God to tell Bush to rape, pillage and maim, but what about all the other shleps who feel that they’re following Godly advice? I’m sure that the guys who bombed the World Trade Center felt that they were on a divine mission. No one living in NYC felt that way, but I guess God can’t please all the folks all of the time.

If someone blows up the White House and says that “God made me do it,” is that a reasonable defense? Not if you’re the Bush family sitting down to dinner as the bomb goes off. Or what if a person hears the voice of God calling to him to destroy that evil called McDonald’s, and that by doing so he will solve the nation’s obesity problem. I guess if you’re sitting inside drinking your 42 oz shake, you’re not going to be too excited about this guy carrying out God’s will.

Personally, I prefer to have a president who doesn’t hear voices in his head. People who hear voices telling them to go forth and slaughter are generally the ones in locked, maximum security psychiatric wards for the criminally insane.

Anyway, there seems to be a mistake in the word of God. Didn’t God tell Bush to go and find the weapons of mass destruction in Iraq? Wasn’t that the original purpose of this war? Or did God speak to Bush once we were already in Iraq, couldn’t find the weapons, and so he modified it. “George, since there are apparently no WMDs in Iraq, then you must end tyranny. There’s nothing wrong with changing your reason for attacking a country once you’ve already attacked. I mean, you’ve got to tell the folks back home something.”

Beam me up, Scottie!