I was going to post something else this evening, but it seems that Fat Cow (my ISP) is mucking around and screwing with my website. So in between getting Internal Server Errors when I try to access my site, or “Document Contains No Data” I managed to get into my site to type this message.

Hopefully they’ll finish doing whatever they’re doing and not destroy my blog.

So why is this on my blog. I don’t know, it just sounded too kinky and bizarre to pass up. Just goes to show how strange Seattle-area can be. When they’re not spitting in the street, they’re off trying to screw horses.

Literally.

According to the Seattle Times a man in the Enumclaw area man pleaded guilty to criminal trespass Tuesday in a case in which a Seattle man died having sex with a horse.

On July 2, James Tait and a 45-year-old Seattle man went onto a neighbor’s property to have sex with a horse, charging papers say. The Seattle man sustained a perforated colon and died from his injuries.

Authorities say Tait helped run a nearby farm where people had sex with animals.

Now you really have to wonder about the man who, um, engaged in sex with a horse. Is it any surprise that his colon perforated and he dropped dead? I mean, if you look at the size of the horse, you’ve got to figure that its dick is in proportion with the rest of its body. What did this man think, that his asshole was an infinite tunnel?

If I was the coroner, I would write that this death of this man was caused by stupidity. Nothing more, nothing less.

A press release from Michigan State College is one of the most frightening “solutions” to the nursing shortage that I’ve yet to come across. Like nearly all of the other so-called experts, their narrow vision of solving the late, great nursing shortage of the new millennium is to increase the number of nurses churned out every year.

A number of these brainstorms scream for enlarging class size, starting up new programs, and basically, do whatever is needed to mass produce and increase the nursing population. MSU has taken it seriously, deciding that an innovative method of pumping up the nurse supply is to simply boot them out of training faster.

A normal nursing program, regardless of its in a community college or 4 year university, takes 2 years. And even then, new grads are overwhelmingly unprepared to deal with the full reality of the job. But MSU thinks that competent nurses can be trained in a year’s time. Amazing. Solve the shortage by putting undertrained nurses on the job.

MSU College of Nursing programs respond to nursing shortage

11/28/2005

EAST LANSING, Mich. – The Michigan State University College of Nursing is offering a new degree program that could have as many as 50 new nurses working in hospitals, clinics and other settings within a year.

Through the Accelerated Second Degree BSN program, students who already have a bachelor’s degree can pursue a nursing degree. It’s an intensive program, designed to quickly get new, qualified nurses into the work force, said College of Nursing Dean Marilyn Rothert.

After completion of the prerequisites, students can finish the program in 12 months, graduate with a BSN and be eligible to take the licensure exam for a registered nurse.

Between classes and clinical experiences, Rothert said the average student would easily spend more than 40 hours a week working on the program.

“We can recruit mature students that are highly motivated to become professional nurses,” Rothert said. “These students can also move rapidly to graduate schools and faculty positions to address the nursing faculty shortage.”

In addition to the accelerated program, which adds 48 more students, the College of Nursing has also expanded its traditional BSN program from 80 to 100 students.

“Enrollments are increasing at the undergraduate level, but we’re still predicting serious nursing shortages,” Rothert said. “Our graduates are hired before they graduate and can go just about anywhere they wish. However, most do stay in Michigan.”

The development of the accelerated option program is being supported through the state of Michigan’s Medicaid Disproportionate Share Hospital Funds, a program designed to train more high-quality health-care workers at an accelerated pace. This funding is in partnership with Ingham Regional Medical Center, Oakwood Healthcare Systems, Sparrow Health Systems and William Beaumont Hospital. The program provides student stipends, support for clinical faculty and curriculum implementation.

Now let’s just briefly look at two major flaws in this press release. A student who has a BSN in another subject is not necessarily going to “learn nursing” faster than someone who doesn’t. Just because they already are a college grad doesn’t mean that they can absorb two years worth of learning in one. Nursing school can be overwhelming, and many students (including those with degrees in other subjects) often drop out. The attrition rate in nursing programs is high as it is, and there is only so much one can absorb.

The old hospital diploma programs took three years to complete, and those students had a huge amount of clinical time. After three years of intense clinical training, they were able to jump right into work upon graduation.

The second utterly ridiculous statment is when Rothert says that “these students can move rapidly to graduate school and faculty positions to address the nursing faculty shortage.” Duh, forgive me if I’m being a little dense, but why would these students be any more likely to go to grad school and then become teachers? The majority of nurses who do go on for advanced degrees do not teach because of the low pay (you can often make more working as a staff nurse without the higher degree), the stress of the job, and the often less than hospitable environment at academic centers. These students will not be any different, and Rothert is a bit naive if she thinks that she’s going to be churning more teachers as well.

Here’s one for you–why not shorten the master’s program to one year? Or even six months? Then in 18 months, you can turn an ordinary soul into a qualified, bonafide nursing instructor.

It seems that the articles I come across on the nursing shortage become increasingly more ridiculous with each passing day.

Is this too much? The hurricane season officially ends tomorrow, yet tropical storm Epsilon is making a last stand. According to the news, Epsilon was centered about 800 miles east of Bermuda and about 1,445 miles west of the Azores Islands. It was moving west near 8 mph. It is not expected to make landfall, so the only ones who may be endangered on those seafaring crafts.

These Greek letter names remind me of the bood Brave New World, where all of the test tube people has their places in life, and their intelligence, pre-ordained. You could be an Alpha-plus, the highest ranking and most brilliant, and undoubtedly where Einstein would be. Then at the bottom, were the Epsilon semi-morons, the class where several notable public figures could easily fit into.

So say hello to Epsilon semi-moron, storm number 26 in our record breaking season. Now who is that person who says the global warming is just a figment of the liberals’ vivid imagination, and has nothing to do with the heightened increase of storms?

And now, another chapter in the annals of medical history. I love historical stuff, so bear with me. The first medical society in the U.S. was formed in Massachusetts, home of the Boston tea party and Paul Revere’s raid. Of course, before we pat the state on the back for being the birthplace of the U.S., we do have to remember that the first European colonies were in the South. The first Europeans formed an ill-fated colony on Roanoke Island in what is now North Carolina, and then Jamestown was settled in Virginia–all of this way before the Pilgrims ever set sail on their rickety little Mayflower.

But Massachusetts was the hot spot for the beginning of the Revolutionary war, so it’s not surprising that they were very proud of organizing the first American medical society. A group of doctors formed the Massachusetts Medical Society on Nov. 1, 1781, and temporary officers were chosen later that month–on this day, November 28. The charter was signed by two famous founding fathers: Samuel Adams, as president of the Senate, and John Hancock, as governor of Massachusetts.

In time, the society would begin published the highly regarded New England Journal of Medicine. It has grown from a tiny group of 70 doctors, practicing medicine in a brave new country, to over 16,500 members. I’m sure that its founding members would be mesmerized as to how medicine and knowledge has advanced since their day, and also horrified by some of the turns that it has taken.

Usually things that sound too good to be true are. Especially when a spammer is trying to sell you a product that will both enlarge your penis and breast, while simultaneously shrinking your wallet.

This is an interesting article that appeared in the Guardian. Sound too good to be true? I hope it is true.

A Harvard Scientist and his team claim to have developed a major breakthrough in the realm of sustainable energy. Backed by 50 independent validation reports, and 65 peer-reviewed journal articles, the discovery, which uses tiny amounts of water for fuel, seems to create 1,000 times more heat than any other fuel and costs 80% less than coal.

While many mainstream scientists are questioning the validity of this discovery, major industry players are already investing tens of millions into bringing this “hydrino” energy into a useable form for the consumer market within four years. Could it be true? Keep your fingers croseed and stay tuned…

Talk about the bizarre. A Canadian teenager died after kissing her boyfriend. No, he didn’t strangle her or infect her with an innocuous disease that is transmitted by spit, although I’m sure that the religious ultra-right fanatics will say that it was God punishing her for sharing saliva with a guy that she was not married to.

God really had nothing to do with it, except if you want to blame him for giving her an allergy to nuts. For all of you with severe allergies to peanuts or any other food that may linger in the mouth of another, take note. Passion kills.

From CBC.ca:

A 15-year-old girl in Quebec’s Saguenay region is believed to have died as a result of an allergic reaction to her boyfriend’s kiss.

An autopsy will be performed on the body of the teen, who was allergic to peanuts.

Officials said she did not consume the nuts, but they believe she had a reaction to kissing her boyfriend, who had eaten peanut butter.

The apparently fatal kiss was last Sunday in Jonquière, Que.

Although an adrenalin shot was administered almost immediately, the teen did not recover, the Montreal newspaper La Presse reports.

The girl was rushed to hospital, where she died after suffering respiratory failure. Her death was confirmed Wednesday.

Happy First Advent! Today is the official beginning of the Christmas season, even though the holiday shoppers were out en masse on Friday, and Santa was already holding court in department stores across the country.

But I restrain myself from doing anything Christmasy until the first Advent. And on that day, all hell breaks loose. The Christmas music starts to play, and will continue to play uninterrupted until Jan 6. The decorations come out, the Advent candles and wreath are set up, and we start deciding when to buy the tree.

So, wishing all of you a very happy Christmas season.

Photo courtesy of Stock.xchng.com

Since today’s theme seems to be hurricane Katrina and the resurrection of the walking turnip himself, Michael Brown (also known as the bloodsucking parasitic growth), here is another bit of news which is guaranteed to make the intelligent among us gnash our teeth.

Instead of accepting his resignation and booting the twit out the door, Michael Brown was miraculously kept on as a “consultant,” and at a whopping salary of $148,000. A consultant of what, is the question. Did they consult with Michael to test out the idiocy quotient of a proposal, or use his brain as a standard of stupidity? Or did he consult on the potential disaster of blocked toilet bowls, or a shortage of disposable diapers?

Just remember, our tax dollars were keeping an incompetent and criminal jerk fed, clothed and employed.

Anyway, this is a letter that several senior Democrats sent to President Bush, expressing their outrage over Mickey’s consulting job.

From LibertyPost.com

Senior House Democrats Urge President to Terminate Michael Brown’s Consulting Contract

Published: Nov 9, 2005

WASHINGTON, Nov. 9 /U.S. Newswire/ — House Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi and other senior House Democrats sent a letter to President Bush this afternoon urging him to immediately terminate Michael Brown’s consulting contract with the Department of Homeland Security.

Below is the text of the letter:

November 9, 2005

President George W. Bush

The White House

Washington, DC 20500

Dear Mr. President:

We are writing to urge you to immediately terminate Michael Brown’s ongoing consulting contract with the Department of Homeland Security. After Mr. Brown’s dismal performance in preparing for and responding to Hurricane Katrina, your Administration’s decision to continue paying Mr. Brown an annual salary of $148,000 is inexplicable and a gross waste of taxpayer dollars.

After being relieved of his Katrina-related duties, Mr. Brown resigned as Undersecretary of Emergency Preparedness and Response on September 12. Two weeks later, Mr. Brown testified before Congress and confirmed that he was continuing to receive his salary as a consultant to FEMA. (1) Amazingly, he had been asked to stay on the payroll for 30 days in order to determine what went wrong with FEMA’s response to Hurricane Katrina. The Department of Homeland Security justified the contract by saying that Mr. Brown was “transitioning out of his job” and that FEMA needed to get a “proper download of his experience.”(2)

Now, we have learned that Mr. Brown’s contract has been extended for another 30 days. That is unacceptable. Incredibly, Secretary Chertoff defended the decision to retain Mr. Brown by saying, “We don’t want to sacrifice the real ability to get a full picture of Mike’s experiences.”(3)

It is difficult to imagine anyone less qualified to assess FEMA’s failed response to Katrina and make recommendations for improving the agency. Mr. Brown’s e-mails in the days immediately preceding and following Hurricane Katrina paint “a full picture” of Mr. Brown’s experiences. As an analysis released by our colleague Congressman Charlie Melancon demonstrated, the e-mails reveal that Mr. Brown made few decisions and seemed completely out of touch. Many of his e- mails focus on trivial matters such as what he should wear or who would care for his dog,(4) not on providing relief for those in desperate need.

FEMA should certainly debrief Mr. Brown, but he hardly needs to be on the taxpayers’ payroll for that purpose. An extended contract to “download” Mr. Brown’s experiences is an abuse of taxpayer funds and an insult to the survivors of Katrina who were so poorly served by Mr. Brown and his agency. We urge you to terminate this contract immediately.

Sincerely,

Nancy Pelosi, House Democratic Leader

Steny Hoyer, House Democratic Whip

David Obey, Ranking Member, Appropriations Committee

Henry A. Waxman, Ranking Member, Government Reform Committee

Bennie Thompson, Ranking Member, Homeland Security Committee

—

(1) Select Bipartisan Committee to Investigate the Preparation for and Response to Hurricane Katrina, Hearings on Hurricane Katrina: The Role of the Federal Emergency Management Agency (Sept. 27, 2005).

(2) Brown Still on FEMA Payroll, CBS News (Sept. 27, 2005).

(3) FEMA Extends Brown’s Contract by 30 Days, Associated Press (Oct. 27, 2005).

(4) Rep. Charlie Melancon, The E-Mails of Michael Brown (Nov. 2, 2005).

I love their comment that it is “difficult to imagine anyone less qualified to assess FEMA’s failed response to Katrina and make recommendations for improving the agency.” I think my cats have better power decision making powers, as does that cockroach running down the street. Oh, I’m sorry, I thought it was a cockroach. Silly me, not to recognize Michael Brown. Amazing the similarity between him and the common roach. I wonder if he is, perhaps, the missing link between human and the cucaracha .

Perhaps one of the few really positive stories to come out of the Katrina disaster is how the world famous Audobon Park survived with barely a scratch. Well, some 2,000 trees fell down, but they crashed away from the animals. The zoo survived relatively intact, and all of the animals survived except for three.

And the zoo reopened this weekend, a strong sign that the city is doing its best to return to life. Katrina and Michael Brown be damned. The Big Easy is coming back.

The hours at the zoo are still going to be limited after Thanksgiving weekend, open only on the weekends for the time being. But it is nice to know that some degree of normalcy is returning. And what can be more normal than spending the day at the zoo with your kids?

From Reuters:

Visitors streamed into New Orleans’ Audubon Zoo as it opened on Friday for the first time since Hurricane Katrina, bringing a hint of normality to a city still shattered, shuttered and largely depopulated by the storm.

By the zoo’s scheduled 10 a.m. opening time, some 1,000 parents and children were lined up outside the gates of the 120-year-old facility, peering in at gaudy pink flamingos on view just inside. By noon, the lawns and paths were packed.

“This is part of bringing this city back to normal again,” said Alaina Vizcarrondo, who had been a twice-a-week visitor before Katrina and brought her 3-year-old son, Kevin, on Friday to see his favorite animals. “We’ve been waiting for the zoo to open again.”

It should be a joke, and when I read about it on Scott Adams’ blog (the creator of Dilbert) I really thought he was kidding. But to my horror, I discovered that it was no joke.

Scott Adams wrote:

According to the news, former FEMA head Michael Brown is starting a disaster preparedness consulting firm. Readers of Dilbert could have predicted this. If you’re infamous for being slow to act, your best bet is a job that bills by the hour. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that he used to be a lawyer.

I wonder how someone in the corporate world explains to his boss that he’s recommending the Michael Brown disaster preparedness consulting firm. “He only ignored one part of the country that was completely destroyed. And besides, he’s also a lawyer, so we know we can trust him.”

The tragic part of this is that Scott is serious. Even Dilbert is horrified, I’m sure. Can you imagine anyone less qualified to run a disaster preparedness consulting firm than Michael Brown? First, it is unforgivable that this man didn’t have to face charges of criminal negligence. He was more worried about what he should wear (as his emails demonstrate) than on the people drowning in New Orleans. I would hold Michael Brown personally responsible for the bulk of the deaths, and he should be in prison right now, facing charges of manslaughter, misuse of government funds, lying on his resume, and so on.

Second, can you actually imagine contacting this idiot if you own a company and want to learn how to cope in a disaster? The very name of Michael Brown should send you running in the opposite direction. If I was an insurance company, and found out that one of my clients had employed the Michael Brown company to develop its disaster preparedness, I would cancel their policy–effective immediately. In fact, any company which would consider using Michael Brown as a consultant should be forced to have its head honchos submit to three days of psychological observation, just to make sure that they are not homicidal maniacs.

From CNN, a reflective quote from Mickey. It just brings tears to my eyes.

“If I can help people focus on preparedness, how to be better prepared in their homes and better prepared in their businesses — because that goes straight to the bottom line — then I hope I can help the country in some way,” Brown told the Rocky Mountain News for its Thursday editions.

The article goes on to say that Mickey “admits” mistakes were made, and that he had been “planning on quitting anyway.” Yes, of course. Tell us another story, that your resignation had nothing at all to do with the Katrina fiasco. Here’s where the eyes roll until they pop out of your head. Is it really possible for a human being to be as stupid as Michael Brown?

Mikey also says that “companies already have expressed interested in his consulting business.” Really? Like who? Maybe a company that is planning to torch its headquarters so that they can collect the insurance money? Or one plotting to assasinate the union leader, and who wants to make it seem like an accident? Are those the sort of companies that he’s talking about?

Now, get the violins ready and grab your hanky. These forthcoming words from the lips of the living satan, Michael Brown, will surely warm the cockles of your heart. How appropriate for the Thanksgiving season.

“I’m doing a lot of good work with some great clients,” Brown said. “My wife, children and my grandchild still love me. My parents are still proud of me.”

What is his definition of “good work?” Never mind, I don’t want to know. And isn’t sweet that his family loves him. It’s nice to know that there are at least a handful of people on this planet who don’t want to blow his head off with a shotgun, or who would take great joy in dousing him with kerosene and striking a match. Burn, baby, burn.

I can’t believe that I missed Delta. Tropical storm Delta, that is. I haven’t looked at the news or the hurricane forecast for a few days, and look at what happens. Yet one more tropical storm, and on Thanksgiving no less.

Sweet Delta, nice little storm that she is, is lurking out in the Atlantic and represents no threat to land. She is the 25th named storm, the all time record breaker. Do you think that we can still squeeze one more in before the Nov. 30 deadline rolls around?

But George Bush, the man who has remained safe from all hurricanes and natural disasters, doesn’t believe that global warming has anything to do with it. Never mind that the Atlantic is warmer, and when the ocean feels like a bathtub, hurricanes go wild. But Bush science says global warming is nonsense, because it might interfere with the money making ability of his cronies. Now if global warming was good for business, we’d hear ol’ Bushie singing a far different tune.

I have an uneasy feeling that this hurricane season is not an aberration, but merely a sign of things to come. I don’t know if our planet can tolerate three more years of Bush wisdom.

What would you do with half a million bucks? Lots of things, right? Well it appears that the eminent Robert Wood Johnson foundation can’t think of anything useful to do with its grant money.

Here’s another wonderful addition to the great nursing shortage, another indication of the monumental effort to solve it.

The Buffalo Business Journal has some earthshattering news to report.

The underlying reasons behind the nation’s nursing shortage will be the focus of a study undertaken in part by the University at Buffalo.

Carol Brewer, associate professor of nursing at UB, has received $440,000 from the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation for the study.

Her award is part of a $1.9 million grant to the New York University College of Nursing.

The five-year national study will survey 5,000 recent graduates of registered nurse programs periodically over the first four years of their careers to track the reasons for their work decisions.

I suppose that any nurse reading this, who is ready to leave the profession–or at least hospital nursing–is probably wondering whether to laugh or cry. That nurse can get on the telephone to the dweebs who are about to indulge in this great earthshattering study, and tell them why nurses are leaving.

We know the reasons for the nursing shortage. Each and every nursing shortage for the past 30 years has been studied and dissected, and each and every time, the same answers pop up. Nurses have been surveyed, re-surveyed, oversurveyed, and nothing new is reported. I would say that the nursing shortage is about the most overstudied topic on earth. Well, maybe orgasm has it beat, but put it this way–the last thing we need is more money wasted on yet another repetitive study.

“This research will allow us to track changes over the first few years of a new RN’s career, during which many seem to leave hospitals,” said Brewer, a specialist in nursing labor issues. “It is important for us to know whether the new nurses are leaving particular settings, or leaving the profession altogether.”

That information is already available, in a study that was published three years ago. The information hasn’t changed, Carol. It hasn’t changed in 30 years.

Brewer said the answer will help academic institutions and health-care employers devise different solutions to the shortage.

Now this is the part that is so sickening. We know what solutions will work, but yet, academics and industry personnel prefer to keep studying and restudying the nursing shortage–until it just disappears. These people aren’t interested in finding solutions, because if they were, that’s what the grant would be used for. You know, like setting up training programs for administrators, and teach them that nurses aren’t mules or pack animals but professionals. That using a nurse to wipe vomit off the floor is a very poor use of a trained professional. That trying to force nurses to wear tracking devices or buttons that say “Ask Me if I Washed My Hands” does wonders to bring down morale and up the vacancy rate.

Surveys of nurses done 25 years ago are nearly identical to surveys that are a week old. We know all of this, it’s been done and done again. But as this morsel of idiocy shows that developing solutions and putting them into practice is not a priority. It’s not the goal. The goal is to just give out grants, moan and groan, talk about the need to “increase” the number of nursing graduates to “ease” the shortage, and leave it at that.

All I can say is shame on the Robert Wood Johnson foundation for wasting the money. And shame on the academics at UB for pretending that they have no idea what’s driving nurses out of the hospital and healthcare. Are they so out of touch with the reality of nursing, so encased in their ivory tower, that they are really this ignorant?

As you eat your tofurky (no, not a misspelling), surely you can think of something to be thankful for. The first thing that comes to my mind is that Bush is unable to seek a third term as president. The second is that we are still alive and intact as a nation, despite Bush’s attempts to destroy the planet and all life on it.

At this moment in time, I am troubled by a few things, one being a delinquent client who owes me a large chunk of money and does not appear to be willing to pay it. But today I’m going to try to not think about it, or the action that I will soon be taking, and just try to add up all of things in life that I have to be thankful for.

After posting that idiocy about the travel nurses followng the rainbow to sunny SoCal, I realized how grating I find the term “unsung heroes” as it applies to medicine and healthcare.

So this post will undoubtedly send fireworks into the brains of the nursing police, the ones who think the media is responsible for the nursing shortage and that nursing is a calling.

Nursing is a job, a profession, not some magical and mystical calling that puts the people who follow this path above everyone else. Nurses are not more heroic, if we must use that overworked word, than anyone else who cares for sick patients. If anything, I would award the title of unsung heroes to nurses aides who slave away in long term care facilities. Talk about doing scut work for pennies. These people are paid minumum wage or thereabouts, get to perform most of the “dirty” care and heavy work, are often belittled by nurses, and get no recognition.

Healthcare involves many people at all levels. If we want to do a countdown of unsung heroes, then let’s not forget the cornucopia of therapists (speech, occupational, physical, respiratory), all of whom work incredibly hard to help people heal. The aides I have mentioned. There are also the unit clerks, and a really good clerk can make your day.

Doctors. Yes, doctors. Unsung heroes. Many physicians put in incredibly long hours, and try their best to care for patients even as managed care grinds into their practice. Residents, who often exist on minimal sleep and food, are also heroes.

Healthcare is a team, and functions best when all respect eachother, acknowledge that each has a uniques and individual job to perform, and realize that one team member is not superior to the other.

So please, stop with the idoltry of nurses. I would like nurses to demand respect, and to receive it, but they do not stand out as the unsung heroes of healthcare.

I remember a line in the movie Forest Gump, where Sally Field says, “Stupid is as stupid does.” Or something like that. But whatever the exact phrasing, it certainly applies to the latest act of stupidity in fighting the late great nursing shortage.

And guess what someone has come up with? I already discussed the brainstorm of humiliating nurses by attaching them to leashes and monitoring how long it takes them to piss and wipe their butt, and how much time it takes them to shove a pill down an old lady’s throat. But this one is even better.

Reality nursing! Cool!

Access Nurses, a national nurse staffing company, is combating the nation’s nursing shortage and encouraging more people to enter the profession by changing the image of nursing through it’s new reality show, 13 Weeks.

By creating a show about six travel nurses on a dream assignment in
southern California, Access Nurses shines a spotlight on the unsung heroes of medicine. Travel nurses are highly qualified healthcare professionals who travel the country working in hospitals with acute needs for thirteen weeks at a time. 13 Weeks will showcase the very intense and challenging hospital work environment, the thrill of exploring Southern California, and the demands of living with five new roommates.

Is this like the Brady Bunch does nursing? First, nurses on assignment don’t live in dorm-like housing. They are usually assigned their own apartment, or at most, live with one roommate. But how boring to show one lone nurse in her little apartment in Van Nuys, n’est-ce pas? That’s not the California nursing experience, or at least, not the one that will entice naive innocents into thinking that they, too, can have this marvelous experience. This five-giggling-girls-to-a-house, and wowee, we’re in SoCal, sounds suspiciously like the Hollywood version of reality. Not the real life experience of a traveling nurse.

And what exciting reality does the show plan to reveal? That nurses on a dream assignment to sunny California spend most of their time at the beach, work with doctors who look like Dr. Kildare, and spend their work time floating down corridors donned in crisp white caps and bikini bottoms? And get invited to the Academy Awards because they have been recognized as unsung heroes?

Since this so-called reality show is designed to entice people into nursing, and make it seem like a “dream,” I highly doubt that there is going to be much reality included. Will these nurses be forced to work mandatory overtime? Will their nurse managers be total assholes, as it increasingly common in hospital settings? Will their work schedules be changed without their permission or input? California has a mandated nurse-patient ratio, so hospitals are stuck with it, but will it show how many facilities are circumventing that by firing ancilliary personnel and requiring nurses to pick up the slack? Do you think that they’ll show these sweet little Brady Bunch girls pulling trash and linens, transcribing orders (no clerk), running their butt off answering phones and call bells, being forcibly pulled to work on a unit where they have no training…

You really have to wonder about the people who come up with these ideas.

Read the press release at PRN Newswire

So here is the long awaited follow-up to my nursing-on-the-leash story. What it amounts to is that hospitals (some) believe that they don’t need more nurses, or more staff of any sort–but that nurses and other peons just need better training. You know, kind of the way you housebreak a puppy. If they are closely monitored and must account for every split second of their time, they will work more efficiently.

Why not just get robots then? Well, I’m sure hospitals are working on it. Robots don’t need vacation time, can work continuously except when they’re down for maintenance, don’t need breaks, don’t need to piss, don’t need to eat or sleep, don’t get burned out, don’t have kids at home who resent mom and/or dad working 24 hour shifts, etc. Unfortunately, robot technology is not yet up to snuff to totally replace nurses, so hospitals are trying the next thing.

Enter the Locator Badge!

Welcome to Star Trek meets Nancy Nurse. Tracking devices, the latest and hottest trend in micromanaging and designed to increase the number of nurses who bolt from the system, is the dream of administrators who see nurses as little more than assembly line puppets. The new devices are used to track nurses and equipment with tags and badges that carry a unique code for each person or piece of equipment.

Infrared light from battery-powered badges is detected by receivers installed throughout the facility, and the system can “provide real-time and historical information on the location of any item or person it is tracking. Supervisors can receive printouts on the location of any of their staff at any time, which makes it easy for them to keep the evil eye on anyone or anything.

Sound exciting? Does it make you want to rush over to the nearest college and sign up for nursing classes?

One irate nurse pointed out that basically, “Nurses are being reduced to the status of criminals.” And she’s right. Are doctors being coerced into wearing these hideous devices? Administrators? Secretaries? Other healthcare workers such as physical and occupational therapists, respiratory practitioners, or physician assistants? Of course not! Only nurses and nurse aides, who are generally lumped in with equipment, are designated as assembly line equipment. How degrading does it get? discrimination.”

From the American Nurse

“The general feeling among nurses is (the system) can be helpful in ‘real time’ work, like when the unit clerk is looking for you,” said Sheri Whitethorn, RN, CCRN, a staff nurse for almost 22 years. “The dark side is it’s recording everything.”

When the system was first being installed, management told staff that the tracking badges were for their “benefit,” because data collected from the system could rebut patients’ complaints, she said. Yet nurses were fearful that the system would be used for punitive purposes, and within a short time, their fears were realized, the Alaska Nurses Association member said.

But Eden administrators counter that their new locator badges are not much different from the other sensors and scanning devices that Americans happily rely upon in their everyday lives. “We don’t think twice about using our Safeway card at the checkout stand, knowing that somewhere data is stored on just how much junk food you just bought, or how many times you cross over the bridge using FasTrak,” Phelps says. “But this seems a little more pervasive I guess when it comes into the workplace. … Maybe staff think it’s a matter of questioning their ability, and it certainly is not.”

“A supervisor asked a unit secretary to look at the monitor and watch what a patient tech was doing,” Whitethorn said. “He [the patient tech] was fired. And that made a lot of us feel uneasy.

“Some people say if you are not doing anything wrong, why should it matter if you’re watched?” she said. “But it’s an added pressure, and I resent that nursing staff are treated differently than the rest of the hospital staff. It’s not right or fair.”

I can tell you right now, that if I was still working in a hospital, I would refuse to wear it. And if I got fired, I would sue the hospital on grounds of discrimination. Nurses can’t be singled out. If they want to track nurses, then they need to track everyone. Even the CEO.

Joy Roberts, MSN, RN, and another nurse faculty member were appalled when they learned that two of their students were forced to wear locator badges where they work. Roberts teaches a graduate course called “Policy Organization and Finance in Health Care” at the University of Missouri Ð Kansas City.

“Some nurses might not care about it as an issue, but if one stops to think about it, wearing these devices is like home detention for prisoners,” Roberts said. “It devalues nurses because it implies that they are not doing their work. Physicians would never tolerate it.”

That’s right, no self-respecting person would tolerate this kind of treatment so why do nurses? Afterall, what about this great nursing shortage? Doesn’t that give nurses a little bit of clout, or are most still scared of their shadow to speak up and defend themselves.

Fortunately, there are some positives to this story. Eden Hospital in California became the nation’s first to refuse en masse to wear the badges. Finally, staff with balls.

From the Eastbay Express:

Once a critical mass of people refused to participate, the tracking system was rendered useless. Currently, only a few Eden employees regularly wear the badges, most notably Eden president and CEO George Bischalaney, and fourth-floor nurse manager Priscilla Seiveno, who both donned badges after being challenged by the staff to prove that they’re safe. But their tag-wearing is more symbolic than anything, particularly in Bischalaney’s case. Not only are there no sensors on the floor where he works, but use of the system is suspended throughout the hospital while management and the nurses try to work something out.

What a guy that CEO is. What a great role model! Wearing a badge to make it seem like there’s nothing wrong with this, but yet, there are no sensors on his floor. Well come on, George, let’s get some sensors upstairs. Let’s have the nurses take a peak at what you do all day. And if you’re not efficient enough, maybe they can fire you.

Nurses maintain that the best way to improve patient care is to make sure that there are enough people to get the job done promptly and skillfully — not to buy machines to clock staff performance. Gee, what a novel idea. But of course, Eden Hospital tries to make it seem like this is for the benefit of nurses, and that these badges are so benign, well, the nurse won’t even know that it’s strangling her.

Now listen to this garbage from the mouths of Eden’s administration (remember, the CEO wears a badge that doesn’t “connect” to anything):

But Eden administrators counter that their new locator badges are not much different from the other sensors and scanning devices that Americans happily rely upon in their everyday lives. “We don’t think twice about using our Safeway card at the checkout stand, knowing that somewhere data is stored on just how much junk food you just bought, or how many times you cross over the bridge using FasTrak,” Phelps says. “But this seems a little more pervasive I guess when it comes into the workplace. … Maybe staff think it’s a matter of questioning their ability, and it certainly is not.

Can the people at Eden really be this moronic to equate tagging nurses with using your scanning card at Safeway? I wonder if the reporter doing this story laughed right in their pukey little faces. I know that I would have a terrible time keeping a straight face.

In fact, that is exactly what most of the nurses seem to resent about the COMLinx system. “We are a group of professionals as registered nurses, and I don’t think I need to be tracked while I am carrying out my duties at work,” says Bearden. “I don’t think we need a Big Brother watching out over us. Most professionals are not tracked at work, so why should I say this is okay?”

Many nurses feel that being monitored on a screen is demeaning, that their skills and work ethics are in doubt. They point out that no one would ever think of asking a doctor to wear a locator badge. At the very least, they say, the recent tussle has put pressure on already hardworking nurses to do their jobs faster and take fewer breaks.

I wonder what the vacancy rate is at Eden, and its turnover rate. Perhaps they have become popular since the nursing staff does seem to be willing to stand up for itself and refuse to be demeaned by this. But this is why I shake my head whenever I hear stories of the great nursing shortage. You always have to ask, “Why is no one working at this place? What are they doing?” And then lo and behold, you find out that they are trying to robotize their nursing staff in the name of “progress.”

One extraordinary plan that healthcare facilities have come up with to “relieve” the nursing shortage is to put nurses on a leash. And have Big Mama breathing down their scrub tops. By closely monitoring every step the nurse takes, every word emanated from her lips, every time she farts, and keeping close track of her every whereabouts (the toilet does not rate as sacred), these pea-brains in their crispy suits believe that they will build a more efficient healthcare system.

More on this later. I know, this is just a tease, but I want to go to sleep and I’m post dating this so it will be up first thing in the am.

Last night I was watching the movie “Dave” on DVD, a great political comedy made about 10 years ago. There were a lot of cameos of real politicians (some still in office), of Jay Leno, assorted political talking media heads, Oliver Stone and Larry King, and lo and behold–Arhnald! I had forgotten all about Arnold’s brief appearance in the movie, and when I first saw it 10 years ago, I held a very different opinion of the man.

Those were the years before he became a public schmuck. He seemed so nice, so caring, involved in so many projects to help children. In fact, I had high hopes for him as a governor of California because he wasn’t a professional politician and because he had enough of his own money to stave off parasites.

I was wrong. Arnold became a class A++++ schmuck. The people of California feel the same way, because every one of his initiatives was struck down. And now, Arnold has seen the light when it comes to that “special interest group” known as nurses.

He’s giving up the fight. The California Nurses Association has scored a resounding victory, not just for the nurses of California, but for those all over the country. They whipped the butt of the man who loves to kick butt. Arnold’s ass must be one bloody mess.

From the Seattle PI:

Days after a stinging defeat at the ballot box, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger has laid another political battle to rest: he is no longer feuding with California nurses over staffing levels.

Without his legal challenge, the state rule requiring one nurse for every five patients stands. Nurses union Executive Director Rose Ann DeMoro called the decision “an enormous victory” because Schwarzenegger “is going to stop going after registered nurses and patient ratios.”

For the past year, Schwarzenegger tried to block the rule in favor of a 1-to-6 ratio, a fracas that escalated in December 2004 when he labeled the union a special interest and boasted, “I’m kicking their butts.”

Does this mean that we can finally get on to the business of safe health care? I’m sure that the bitching and moaning will continue, and many facilities will circumvent the ratio law by simply laying off ancilliary help. So the nurse may have five patients as dictated by law, but she will also become unit clerk, janitor, nurse’s aide and maybe even short-order cook. And for the hospitals who try to continue to make the nurses’ life hell, and overwork the staff, they will find themselves with a perpetual shortage.

But the facilities who decide to give up the fight, and decide to maintain the ratio law to its fullest along with treating their nursing staff like the professionals they are, they will soon wonder what the fuss over a so-called shortage is all about.

At any rate, this is a grand victory for nurses. And poor Arnold, nobody wants to play his game.

Great opinion piece this morning in the San Jose Mercury News, about the continuing and spiraling downfall of the FDA. What next, I wonder. Will the FDA soon be using “Intelligent Design” to make its scientific decisions, or advocating prayer as a contraceptive?

The article is about none other than our friend, Plan B, and how the FDA royally disgraced itself by kissing the ass of the Bush administration. The same administration which doesn’t believe in global warming, I should add, and wants schools to teach that having premarital sex leads to lonliness and substance abuse, will turn you into a toad, and that girls needs a Prince Charming to save them. I kid you not (well, except about the toad) but these ideas are part of the abstinence-only sex education programs that our taxes pay for.

The Government Accountability Office, Congress’ investigative arm, said last week that top FDA officials had decided to block sales of Plan B before a scientific review had been completed. It also charged that some of President Bush’s political appointees took “unusual'’ steps to impede the approval process.

The unfortunate result is that a safe, effective contraceptive that should be widely available to American women to prevent unwanted pregnancies is being needlessly withheld. Congress should pressure the administration and the president to overturn the decision.

So Congress, are you still with us? How about ordering an exhaustive cleaning house at the FDA? Why are we supporting an agency that appears to do nothing more than cause scandals?

The most absurd aspect of the decision is the notion that Plan B is an abortion issue. It’s not. Plan B does not interfere with an existing pregnancy. Instead, the FDA delayed a decision for months while trying to get a read on whether Plan B would have an impact on the sexual activity of teenagers. Never mind that the FDA has never before considered the impact of a contraceptive on sexual behavior as part of its approval process.

Nevertheless, the evidence is now in. Plan B does not promote promiscuity. The FDA scientific review couldn’t turn up any evidence that it results in an increase of sexually transmitted diseases, either.

But the Bush administration just doesn’t want women to have access to the contraceptive. Not after some conservative groups inaccurately dubbed it an abortion pill. The irony is that if Plan B were available to women over the counter it could reduce the number of abortions in the United States.

This really is the most idiotic part of the debate, and the one which makes you lose your breath over the mindlessness of the people who oppose it. The availability of Plan B does not “convince” people to have sex, even though neo-conservatives in the Bush mode continue to parrot that phrase like it’s the gospel truth. I suppose if they continue to repeat it, maybe they think it will become true.

The other sad part of this is that increased availability of Plan B with DECREASE the rate of abortions. Again, it is pathetically naive to think that if a woman can’t obtain Plan B, and ultimately becomes pregnant, that she will suddenly be transformed by a maternal instinct and give birth. The reality is that she will probably abort it.