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Vital Signs and Remedies for a Full Spectrum World
by Roxanne Nelson

19 January 2007

Dr. Robert

This was a comment that I received from Dr. Robert. I would be tempted to call it spam, except his web address is legitimate, and he’s a real live scientist. One with an interest in viagra, no less. So I’m not sure if he sent this to me because he reads my blog, or if it was just part of a mass mailing, ie, spam of sorts. Anyway, it is kinda cute.

I figured www.nabeepchen.com could use a little humor.

Diary

DEAR DIARY

Day 1.
Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate.
When it came time to re-enact our wedding night, he locked himself in
the bathroom and cried.

Day 2.
Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He’s impotent, he says,
and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn’t he tell me
something I don’t know! I mean, he actually thinks I haven’t noticed.

Day 3.
This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Yesterday, I saw a
picture of Nelson’s Column and burst into tears.

Day 4.
A miracle has happened! There’s a new drug on the market that will fix
his ‘problem.’ It’s called Viagra. I told him that if he takes Viagra,
things will be just like they were on our wedding night. I think this
will work. I replaced his Prozac with the Viagra, hoping to lift
something other than his mood.

Day 5.
What absolute bliss!!.

Day 6.
Isn’t life wonderful but it’s difficult to write while he’s doing that.

Day 7.
This Viagra thing has gone to his head. No pun intended! Yesterday, at
Burger King, the manager asked me if I’d like a Whopper. He thought they
were talking about him. But, have to admit it’s very nice – I don’t
think I’ve ever been so happy.

Day 8.
I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday, instead of mowing
the lawn, he was using his new friend as a weed whacker. I’m also
getting a bit sore down there.

Day 9.
No time to write. He might catch me.

Day 10.
Okay, I admit it. I’m hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so much. And
to make matters worse, he’s washing the Viagra down with neat whisky!
What am I going to do? I feel tacky all over….

Day 11.
I’m basically being screwed to death. It’s like living with a Black and
Decker drill. I woke up this morning hot-glued to the bed. Even my
armpits hurt. He’s a complete pig.

Day 12.
I wish he was gay. I’ve stopped wearing make-up, cleaning my teeth or
even washing but he still keeps coming after me! Even yawning has become
dangerous ..

Day 13.
Every time I shut my eyes, there’s a sneak attack! It’s like going to
bed with a scud missile. I can hardly walk and if he tries that “Oops,
sorry” thing again, I’ll kill the bastard.

Day 14.
I’ve done everything to turn him off. Nothing is working. I even started
dressing like a nun but this just seems to make him more horny. Help me.

Day 15.
I think I’ll have to kill him. I’m starting to stick to everything I sit
on. The cat and dog won’t go near him and our friends don’t come over
any more. Last night I told him to go and fuck himself and he did.

Day 16.
The bastard has started to complain about headaches. I hope the bloody
thing explodes. I did suggest he might try stopping the Viagra and going
back on Prozac.

Day 17.
Switched the Viagra pills but it doesn’t seem to have made any
difference……Christ !!! here he comes again with Viagra.

Day 18.
He’s back on Viagra. The lazy sod just sits there in front of the TV all
day with that remote control in his hand and expects me to do everything
for him. What absolute bliss!!.

Enjoy

Reply with good jokes if you know any.

Thanks

— roxanne @ 10:53 pm — Comments (0)

Dead Man Sperm Factory

Talk about people with mental illness and the brave new world of childbirth. This has to be one of the more disturbing things I have read in a while. Basically, a dead man can have his sperm milked out of him, whether he wants to or not. Whether or not he wants to father a child.

At least in Israel.

This is from the BBC section called “Have Your Say” where people write in responses to a topic. This is the topic that I find so utterly repulsive:

Is it right for a dead man’s sperm to be used to father a child?

A child after death?

Can it be right for sperm to be taken from a dead man to impregnate a woman he has never met?

An Israeli court has decided that the parents of Keivan Cohen, a soldier killed in 2002, are allowed to use sperm stored hours after his death to inseminate a woman.

If a baby is conceived and born, it will be registered as the child of the deceased.

What do you think of the court’s decision? Is it fair on the child? Will it give hope to those who want to continue a bloodline after death? Send us your views.

Yes, please send them your views. The people have posted thus far have overwhelmingly found this offensive. The parents want to continue their “bloodline” so they are taking their dead son’s sperm to father a child. I know a lot of men donate sperm, but they do so of their own free will.

What next? Are we going to keep brain dead women alive to grow fetuses at someone’s whim?

I suppose the parents think that they are going to raise their son’s child and they will all live happily ever after. Of course, the woman selected to be the sacred mother may decide that she doesn’t want these people in her life afterall. She may marry, and have her new husband adopt the child, thus changing the name. The child may be born with a birth defect, be severely mentally retarded, and thus end the bloodline. Oh, I suppose that in that case, the handicapped child could be forced to donate sperm/be used as an incubator, to continue that damn bloodline.

This has all kinds of implications, none pleasant. I’m sure that these parents are upset over the lloss of their son, but how about taking in a foster child? Adopting a child? Volunteering at an orphanage? Doing something meaningful with their time? Start a scholarship fund in their son’s name?

I guess the dead aren’t safe in Israel anymore.

— roxanne @ 5:59 pm — Comments (2)