I guess some people think that there are not enough people with a minimal amount of intelligence who can become nurses. Or at least, hire semi-literate dorks to put together these totally inane advertising campaigns.

Now this priceless FAQ on nursing was put together by the Office of Nursing Workforce Research, Planning and Development (sounds important, doesn’t it), at the University of Vermont. If this doesn’t scare a person away, then I don’t know what will.

First off, it sounds like it was written for someone with a second grade reading level who has trouble enunciating words that are longer than two syllables. Then again, maybe a second grade audience is what they have in mind.

Q. What is a Registered Nurse?

A. After graduating from a nursing school at either a two-year or a four-year college, you must take an examination to become a licensed registered nurse. The exam is called the NCLEX examination. NCLEX stands for National Council Licensure Examination. Don’t panic, almost everyone passes, and if you don’t pass the first time, you can take it again. The state will send your license to you by mail. If you want to be a traveling nurse, you’ll be able to get a license in each state.

I kid you not, this is really on their website. Maybe they should put a disclaimer on the website and mention that this was written with people with double digit IQs. If your IQ is in three digits, then please bypass this website.

But this one is my favorite.

Q. What if I can’t stand the sight of blood?

A. Not everyone is cut out for the emergency room or the operating room. Many nurses choose to stay out of the hospital, and don’t wear a uniform. There are so many options in the profession. One is bound to suit you.

If you want to be the boss, nursing has a place for you. Nurses are:

* educators

* managers

* executives

* entrepreneurs

* lawyers

* government officials

How do I begin to even attack this? The stupidity is even beyond my capacity to make snide and sarcastic remarks about it?

If you can’t stand the site of blood, then it’s quite possible you’re not going to be able to stand the site of vomit and poop (other than your own). Bloody diarrhea, yum. If a person can’t stand the sight of body fluids, they’re not going to get far in nursing school. What is the student supposed to do, cover her eyes when drawing blood?

Now, I really love the “options” they give for nurses who want to stay out of the hospital. Uh, if a person wants to be a lawyer, then why the hell would he or she go to nursing school? They’d go to law school. If they want to be an educator, then get a degree in education. Want to be an entrepreneur? Start a business.

They make it sound like nursing is somehow a prerequisite for all of these professions, when in fact, they all have nothing whatsoever to do with nursing. Excuse me, but what sort of moron put this together?

Here’s another good one.

Q. Is nursing a good profession for guys?

A. Nursing is for anyone who wants to:

* earn between $40,000 and $60,000 per year

* be able to work anywhere in the world

* work with their hands and their mind

* make a difference every day (save a life)

* have flexible hours

* use technology

Notice that they say nothing about what nursing is, or what you do as a nurse. Work with their hands and their mind—as far as I know, that describes everything we do. Your hands don’t work unless your mind is also working. As far as their salary range, some nurses earn less and other earn a lot more. Use technology–well, that certainly describes a day in the life of a nurse, doesn’t it? Notice that they don’t mention that if you work in a hosptial, you may have to do shift work, weekends, holidays, mandatory overtime…oops, I guss they forgot that.

Anyway, I’m sure that there are now loads of second graders in Vermont, who having read this nice website written on their level, are telling their parents that they are going to become a nurse so that they can become lawyers.