At a time of the late great nursing shortage, when warm bodies are drying up and vanishing into thin air, and when the battle cry is on to “Mass Produce!” and try to automate the production of new nurses as quickly as possible, blasphemy comes along.

Yes, blasphemy. Well, maybe it isn’t all that bad since the experts and spin wizards hardly pay attention to retention of nurses, or notice that attrition from nursing schools and the profession is rather high. But I just saw this ad for a seminar that will help nurses move into “alternative” careers. As in get out of hospitals and nursing homes, and not spend additional years in school and rank up tens of thousands in debt so that they can become nursing instructors and take a low paying academic job.

The appeal for many many nurses are these alternatives, which can be very lucrative, offer an independent work environment or at least a more pleasant one, and get them far away from abusive hospital administrators and supervisors. To say nothing of not having to work weekends and holidays or do shift work. Imagine that. Imagine a nurse wanting to break the bonds of martydom.

That is why I am sure that admin types who see this will probably think about taking out a hit contract on whoever organizes such blasphemy. I have no idea who good the seminar is, or if it is just a lot of hot air about all the new things that you can do but no real information on how to do it–but still, from the description, it at least lets nurses know that there are a lot options beyond putting on a pair of scrubs and having to do customer service–oops–I mean patient care.

Exciting News! This popular seminar has been completely revised and updated to bring you all the latest information and resources on the hottest specialties in nursing. Learn about medical esthetics, forensic nursing, medical coding and billing, legal nurse consulting, life care planning, case management, massage therapy, fitness nursing, and so much more. You’ll also learn about perennial favorites like the pharmaceutical industry, insurance industry, research nursing, medical writing, holistic nursing, nursing informatics, speaking and training, and many, many others. If you’ve attended this seminar in the past, it’s time to attend again. There have never been so many exciting ways to use your nursing knowledge and experience… and love what you do!

Yeah, it sounds hokey. I don’t know why these things always have to be written as if the audience is 3 years old and mentally challenged. Perennial favorites…is that like planting geraniums?

The event is sponsored by Nursing Spectrum, and no, I have nothing to do with it. For some reason I’m on their mailing list and it came into my email, and I thought I’d share. Since I escaped from bedside nursing, I always like to assist others do the same.

FYI to the spin-maestros–the reason that these seminars exist is because of the excruciating unhappiness of so many nurses who are working in their traditional environments. Mass producing new nurses without making inherent changes in the health care industry will simply evolve into that many more nurses looking for a way out–and attending seminars like this one.