One of the most bizarre trends in healthcare has been to repackage jobs with fancy new names. As though calling it something else is going to change the duties of the job, eliminate the negatives, and make the person feel more important.

These were jobs that were advertised at a fancy medical center in California. There were 126 vacancies for nurse, which fortunately, are still called nurses. The pay offered was quite good, so there must be more to the story. I have worked at this particular hospital through the registry, and it was a pretty miserable place to work-although granted, that was 20 years ago.

Anyway, there were a number of vacancies for “Administrative Care Partner.” Now that sounds like a mouthful, and what does it mean, exactly? Does someone ever really show up looking for a job, and say, “I’m looking for a job as an administrative care partner. Any openings?”

Having no idea what it was, I looked at the description.

Provide clerical support to the Administrative Nurse of the designated unit. Transcribe Doctor’s orders; verify, record, post and file information materials via manual and/or automated systems; evaluate and report data pertinent to the functioning of the patient care unit; interpret and apply medical terminology; coordinate intra-departmental communications; foster public relations; participate in meetings and continuing education.

In other words, they are looking for a secretary or unit clerk. Pray tell, what is wrong with the word “secretary?” Or “clerk?” Are they politically incorrect? Do they denote a person of a lowly status? No wonder they have opening for those jobs, because no one knows what they are.

Here’s the next gem: a clinical care partner. Now that sounds like something from school, you know, when you pair up with another kid in chemistry lab. Again, another baffling moment on the job board. Can you imagine putting that on a resume? Objective: clinical care partner

Clinical care partner
Under direct supervision of nurse manager, the incumbent will perform the following patient care responsibilities and safety measures: assist patient with admission procedure; assist patients during transfer procedure; assist patients with discharge procedure; provide for patients’ personal hygiene; assist with patients’ excretory needs; assist patients with meals and nourishment; and assist in providing for patient safety and comfort measures.

In other words, this is a nurse’s aide or assistant. Are those bad words now? Do they imply someone of low intelligence? Does newspeak now turn this into a fancy new position? I mean, a nurse’s aide helps patients use the bedpan. But a clinical care partner “assists with patients’ excretory needs.” Wow, I’m blown away.